Finding Clarity in Parenting
We’ve recently watched the 2008 movie, ‘Kung Fu Panda’, as we were getting ready to watch the latest released in the series, ‘Kung Fu Panda 4’.
We had watched it before. Yet I had forgotten, or maybe I hadn’t even noticed, the simple, clear, and profound truth Master Oogway (the elderly tortoise) reminds us in this movie.
As parents, I know we resonate with this statement in several situations every single day!
When our child drops clothes on the floor and then refuses to tidy up when asked to do so, and we become agitated with thoughts like ‘They’re so entitled!’, ‘I’ve raised a brat!’, or ‘How did I fail as a parent like this?’.
Sometimes, old feelings come rushing from our own childhood when we were punished in a similar situation. Our parents’ words ring in our ears, and we envision our child’s future—it’s not a nice one…
Or when our child struggles at school, dragging their feet in the morning or even refusing to go, and we feel that the teachers don’t understand the situation or don’t have the time to listen and hear what we have to say.
That’s when we become agitated, feeling stuck and afraid of things worsening, unsure how to turn things around…
Or when we feel challenged by our child’s requests to have a mobile phone, and we become agitated and feel trapped between not wanting them to be ‘the odd one out’ or ‘left out’ and at the same time wanting to delay this moment for as long as possible, thinking of all the things they would gain access to, remembering all the news we’ve read on the topic, and being thrown into a future that feels dangerous and scary…
In situations like these, when our minds are agitated, it’s difficult have clarity and see a path forward. Reacting intentionally, forming strategies, or recalling truths like ‘My kid is good’ and ‘I can figure this out’ become difficult.
But when we allow our mind to settle, things become clearer.
That’s when we see our child’s attitude or behaviour for what is it: a signal that something doesn’t feel good inside of them.
That’s when we can come up with a plan to support our child in their school life and stand up for our child in a way that invites cooperation and being on the same team.
That’s when we can make an informed decision that we are comfortable with and we can set limits that will keep our children safe.
The question that follows though is ‘How do we allow our mind to settle?’
Because as with many other great quotes, things can sound simple but we’re left wondering ‘How am I supposed to do this?’
I’m excited to share a few ‘tried and tested’ methods with you today, and I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments below. Let me know which method resonates most with you or if you have any questions.
Writing things down
Whether it’s in a dedicated journal, diary, or on a simple piece of paper, you can use a pen and paper to get all your thoughts from your mind and onto an external surface – this act has the ability to ease the load, settle your mind a bit, and provide clarity.
Going outside
Taking a stroll in the park or going for a brisk run offers more than just physical exercise. It takes away the pressure of having to figure things out ‘now!’ which agitates our minds. It also has the potential to help up take a step back, creating a space between us and our immediate concerns, allowing a fresh perspective to emerge. Doing this, we often find our minds settling and clarity emerging naturally.
Having a listening ear
Personally, I find this to be the most invaluable tool in my parenting journey. Sharing our challenges with someone who listens, in a supportive and non-judgemental environment in which your goodness is held and you feel the trust in you that you will figure things out, empowers you to gain clarity and tap into your own wisdom. Because this is what happens when you have the chance to release the agitation of your mind (the feelings, the thoughts, the fears, the hurts, and the memories that were making things difficult to see and handle) in a safe environment.
- If you’re facing a challenge and can’t see things clearly, that’s absolutely normal. Trust that you will figure it out once you get the chance to settle your mind.
- If you’d like to gain some clarity and confidence in your parenting, I can help, just book a free consultation with me and let’s chat.
The author of this page is Raluca Zagura, a Certified Hand in Hand Parenting Coach. You can read more about her here.